Where Were You?

"I felt a great disturbance... as if millions of vices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."  - Obi-Wan Kenobi

September 11th.

Not a single American is oblivious to that date whether they were alive for it or not.

It's a day that now creates a wave of blind patriotism on social media, a flood of pictures of flags and firefighters and the lights that shine where those towers stood.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be patriotic or to remember those who died there. I've never felt particularly patriotic myself, so even to do it for a day seems dishonest. Don't get me wrong - America is my home, and I don't think living anywhere else would compare. But I'm not a flag-flying apple-pie-baking American woman.

But this day isn't about me.

There is one specific person that I think of when this day rolls around. Well, three people, but two of them have birthdays today.

I remember this day well. Not in vivid detail, but well enough. Memory is a tricky thing. I was sitting in history class, bored as usual, when another teacher came in and motioned my teacher over. It was clearly something urgent, but to what degree we had no idea. He walked back to the front of the room and grabbed a radio to try and tune in the news. "Something's happened," was all he said.

Eventually they wheeled a TV in and a few other teachers gathered to watch the events unfold. We saw the plane hit the second tower. I'll never forget that sound... then the towers collapsed, a plane hit the Pentagon, a plane went down in PA... it was all too close to home. I don't remember the order and I don't watch specials or read about it because I want it to stay fuzzy. That day doesn't need to be clearer.

It was horrifying but didn't really hit home until I got to my psychology/sociology class. I can't remember which it was, but I had the same teacher for both. He was frantically trying to get in touch with people - five of his nieces and nephews worked in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. I don't remember how it was divided, or even who made it home that day. I do know he lost a niece. She was in one of the towers on a floor above where the plane hit, I believe. She never made it out.

It's on this day that I think of that teacher and his family, and the families of all the people that were lost that day, people who went to work thinking of their to-do lists, their plans for the coming weekend. Thousands of voices were silenced. The skies were silent that night. My mom and I went out and stared at the plane-free sky, just listening to nothing. If I hadn't been paying attention, I may not have noticed. But I did. And it was eerie.

#YesAllWomen

I don't usually like to jump on the bandwagon and beat a dead horse (ew), but this is something that really moved me. A 22-year-old just murdered people because he couldn't handle rejection. I know that's probably an oversimplification of a more complex situation, but essentially that's what it is.

I heard part of the kid's videos. It made me sick to my stomach to hear him so calmly talk about taking revenge because he couldn't get a girlfriend. Because of course it's not him - it's everyone else that's the problem.

You can blame it on whatever you want - a mental illness, the general disintegration of society - but the simple fact is that this guy believed wholeheartedly that he was owed something. He was owed a pretty girl to be his and his alone.

Here's the deal, guys - you are not owed anything. You are not entitled to have a woman. Do you deserve love? Probably. I think everyone does. But there is a HUGE difference between deserving something and being entitled to something. I'm addressing all men here, but I know there are plenty of men out there who know this is wrong. Unfortunately, it's not all of them. But at some point, all women have felt uncomfortable/threatened by a man.

Yes, all women.

Why should I have had to lie and say I had a boyfriend in high school when I was asked to a dance by someone I didn't want to go with? A guy could have just said "no" but no isn't good enough from a girl. (Coincidentally, the guy that asked me was arrested not too long ago for attempted rape... there was a damn good reason I said no.)

Why should I have felt like wearing a fake wedding/engagement ring was more comforting than just being able to say no? Because some other guy "owns" me, that makes it okay? It should be enough for me to say no, that I don't want to go out with you. That's not necessarily a reflection on you... maybe I'm not interested in dating, or maybe I'm not into dudes. You don't know, and it shouldn't matter.

Women shouldn't have to feel like they have to make an excuse or give a fake phone number. We should be able to say no without feeling bad or guilty. We shouldn't have to deal with guys like this, men who think we should be happy to be with them, that they are owed a woman and a sexual relationship. Too many women have it far worse than what I do, and something needs to be done about it. The position of women in society is a total mess. Hell, we can't even get congress to agree that we deserve equal pay.

The problem is larger than this one guy. We need change.

It's a Sign...

Sometimes the universe just sends you a pretty blatantly obvious sign about what you should be doing.

Lately, I've had a little more time to work on my own personal stuff and not just work. There are plenty of nights that I don't feel like doing anything because I'm just completely drained from working all day, reading and proofing and stressing about whether or not I missed something really obvious and stupid because I'm the only proofreader in the company. There were a few weeks where I was working 8 hours and bringing stuff home to work on because there just weren't enough hours, and I have to at least be here for my dogs. Anyway, the last couple of weeks haven't been as intense and crazy, so I've been able to come home and do some outlining and writing. And watch the Lizzie Bennett Diaries. And organize my desk. And... well, you get the point. I get distracted when I have something to do and time to do it.

Yesterday, on my way home from work, I popped in to Staples to grab another Moleskine notebook. I should probably preface that by letting you know that I have a serious problem when it comes to office supplies... notebooks and pens in particular. Hey, when you spend a lot of time using something, you develop an obsession with appreciation for the good ones. So I had a coupon for a free pen if I spent so much on other Moleskine stuff, and I thought, hey, I like those pens and the notebooks, why not? When I got to the register and the girl scanned everything, a receipt printed. I owed nothing. She checked with the manager, and the guy looked at my receipt, shrugged, and handed it back to her, saying that it was fine because it must have been a coupon glitch.

I walked out with $20+ of free stuff because of a coupon glitch.

And then I started thinking...

The reason I decided to pop in for some flashy new writing materials was because I'd been working on some ideas and thought a good motivator would be a pretty new notebook to write in. The fact that I got them for free by accident made me think that the universe was trying to tell me to get writing already. It's funny how things work sometimes...

With that said, I think I'm going to go break in my new writing stuff and get started on sorting out characters and plot lines. It's all just kind of a jumble in my head right now, so I need to make sure I get it out on paper before I forget it all.

Here's to a good idea finally getting some attention!

Spring Forward

I think Daylight Savings time is ridiculous and that we should probably just do away with it. Gaining an hour in the fall is great, but I hate that it's dark so early. I hate losing an hour in the spring, too.

That being said, I am particularly grateful to give up that hour in favor of sunlight this year.

We got walloped with a nasty winter this year, and I think that, since before Christmas, I've only worked two, maybe three, full weeks at work. I can work from home, which is a great help, or I would have probably used up all of my time off from work. I'm very glad to see more daylight than I  have been. I'm also glad that I'll actually be able to see the roads when I drive home at night. It makes dodging potholes/moon craters much easier.

I'm excited that spring is coming. I love spring and fall the most, but I'm not looking forward to summer that much. It tends to be incredibly hot and humid - two things I don't care for. But I am excited about the prospect of sitting outside reading while the dogs run around like idiots after I come home from work. I got really excited this weekend because we can finally see grass again. We've still got a lot of snow to get rid of, but at least it's going away.

I've heard that there are many people who are more inspired in the winter, that the cold makes their minds move more quickly, whereas in the summer they become lethargic and dull. I have found that all I want to do in the winter is curl up on the couch and read, but that usually ends in an unplanned nap. (It doesn't matter what the book is, it only matters that I am on the couch, and I'm fairly certain that the couch has conspired against me.)

I personally find that spring and fall are when my mind moves faster. In spring, there is still enough of a chill, but the gradual warming seems to thaw me out. That, and the extra daylight makes me realize that it's not actually all that late. During the fall, the incoming crisp air must stir things up in my head.

The wheels in my head have been turning quite a bit this weekend. I'm hoping that now that I actually have the time to devote to working on something, they'll stay in motion.

I'm planning on participating in Camp NaNoWriMo in April, so I need to set my goals for that as well. I can't decide if I should work on something different for a month or if I should use the time to plug away at my current W.i.P.

Looking Back

Almost everyone I'm friends with has posted their Facebook video this week - you know, the video looking back at the past however many years you've been on there - since it's the 10-year anniversary of Facebook.

My video was not all that indicative of my life over the past seven years. That's how long I've been on Facebook... and a lot has happened in those seven years. My video consisted of pretty much all pictures of my sister, husband, and dogs. There was one of one of my best friends, two of me with other people. If you watched it, you probably wouldn't even know who I am. Anyway, I've been thinking about how much I've been through in the last seven years (even 10, even though that wasn't part of my Facebook life).

In 2006, I was in college, finishing up at Temple. I've worked six jobs in almost as many years, and had a lot of unemployment in there as well. I got married, got a dog, bought a house, got another dog... we've had parties, made new friends, spent time with old friends and family... it's a lot of stuff to cram in to just a few years, but it's been pretty amazing.

All in all, I feel like I'm at a really good place in my life. I have a lot to be happy about, and even though I'm not always happy, at least I know that.

For Auld Lang Syne...

It's New Year's Day. Actually, it's almost January 2nd at this point. I don't always get to reflect on the past year, but I've made a point of thinking about it this year because 2013 was a damn good year.

It was the first year in quite a few that I voluntarily left a job because I'd gotten a different one - one that actually pertained to my college education, no less. That was the biggest change for me. I miss the people I used to work with, but I am so much happier now.

2013 also marked my 4th year of marriage, our first full year with Truman, who has adjusted so well to our little family, and my first full year at a job in quite some time (even though I'm not there anymore). We put up a fence. We made new friends and celebrated with old ones.

There were some smaller achievements along the way... I had my most successful attempt at NaNoWriMo, came up with quite a few good ideas for new projects, and finally got back into blogging, albeit not as frequently as I'd like... baby steps, right? I also read Anna Karenina, which was something I'd wanted to do for a long time. I think it's the longest book I've read, or at least the longest classic. I'd have to think more about it, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about that.

I'm hoping 2014 brings many more good times. For me, it's the last year in my twenties. I'm hoping that by the end of it, I will have accomplished even more. I made some resolutions. Nothing formal, mind you - more like a to-do list for the year. There are some things I need to work on that will take time and can't necessarily be accomplished in a year (my time management skills, for one). I've resolved to be a healthier person, to write and read more, and to try more new things. Pretty general, I know, but I don't want to bore anyone to tears with details. And besides, the more vague the resolutions, the closer I'll be to achieving them... right?

Well, anyway, here's to a happy, healthy new year to one and all. May it bring you all the good things and none of the bad. But when bad things happen, just remember - one day it will be behind you and be one more thing that helped build you as a person.

Cheers!

Another Year, Another NaNoWriMo

November has come and gone and, once again, I failed to write 50,000 words.

I haven't been doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about) all that long, but I still feel like I should have been able to write 50,000 words in a month. I mean, I sat down one night and wrote almost 3,000 words in one sitting - 1,667 a day shouldn't be a problem!

I wish that it didn't take place in November. I have a lot going on with Thanksgiving and the other holidays coming up. For some reason, it seems to be the busiest time of year for us even though we do a lot of social nonsense all the time. But this year from Thanksgiving until Christmas, I won't have a single weekend to myself to do nothing (or at least just do whatever I want, which usually involves reading and staying in my jammies).

I was hoping to catch up over the four-day weekend, but that didn't happen. We went out Wednesday night; Thursday was Thanksgiving and I made dinner for everyone; Friday night was Friendsgiving with a group of friends; Saturday was Small Business Saturday so we went out for that, and then that night was a birthday party with the same group of friends from Friday; and Sunday I went to visit my grandparents and aunts and uncle.

Of course, by Sunday it was too late. I'd missed the deadline and hadn't met the goal.

While I would say that I'm disappointed in myself, I'm not really. I mean, yes, to a certain degree I am because I didn't finish my novel - not even close! But you know what I did do? I managed to write over 38,000 words in a month - a very busy month - and hammer out a lot of details for a story that I've been trying to get down for a long time.

I think I might try my hand at Camp NaNoWriMo this summer. I'd like to at least finish the story I started and maybe get somewhere with it, and come up with a solid outline for the next NaNo story I'm going to write (yes, I already have one in mind for next year).

So while I didn't finish, I am proud of myself for attempting it and getting at least some words down. I'm happy that I figured out where I want to go with my story and that I got more plot lines down. It's okay that it's not finished. I'll still work on it now. I'd like to get a book published some time in my life... why not 2014?

Anyway, I'm off to go do actual work and other things that have been neglected during this month of insanity. My office is in shambles... I got a new desk and everything is just sitting in piles on the floor because I don't have time to fix it. I have filing to do, a closet to clean, and bookshelves to organize. We've been in our house for two years now... I guess it's about time these things got finished.